• Ndapanda Haininga

What love looks like to me.

I have never actively looked for love, perhaps because I was never in a rush to find it.

I acknowledged its existence.

I recognized it in others.

A part of me knew I wanted to experience it someday, but I was never actively looking for it.


What I was however, was curious.

I wondered what it felt like to be in love.

When and how I would know that it had happened to me.

..if it ever happened to me. I directed many of my questions to my friends. Shame, they suffered.


Funny.



I found it in the last place you would ever catch me looking, the DM (Direct Message).


I'm not joking!


Homeboy DMed me and not one bone in my body tried to play even a little hard to get. I still wonder what came over me that day because, rarely do I respond to men.


Call it fate, but I was easy AF (laugh with me).


Something about nerds, yeah? I loves me a man who can explain reasons for the decline of the Rand and be satisfied with my reply being "It's lit!" You know, for balance. Relationships need balance.


It has been the most beautiful journey.


Nothing comes second to being loved intentionally, with kindness, on purpose and to my design.



I love roses for my room so he surprises me with a bouquet every other time.


I appreciate the light sunflowers bring to my living room so he drives to the riverbeds and helps me pick them.


I started a travel blog so he takes pictures of me. Tells me to curve to the left, to tilt my head and to "fix your wig sis, it's all over your face."



Isn't it funny? that someone can go from being a perfect stranger to becoming your favourite person in the whole wide world?


Because that's what he is.


Me best friend.

My comfort.

My peace.

My home.




I like to reference a time, during a disagreement where my partner went out and got me food and medicine because I was coming down with a cold.


It was a big learning moment for me.


Call this weird, but I had no idea loving and being upset with someone could exist simultaneously. It had to be one or the other for me, never both.


I am learning and unlearning everyday.



You know? That's what I'm realizing. Love is a never ending journey of finding new ways to make someone smile every single day of their life.


..and although days exist where we upset each other, I actively make the decision everyday to choose him.


I will tuck my tail between my legs and apologize every time I overreact (oh, and I do!) because everything in me is so sure that he is the mate my soul was made for.







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